So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
you never un-have a 4some
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I came so hard my ears popped.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
