Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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