just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
