I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
