me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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