Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Soap is not a condiment
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
