You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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