Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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