Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
