a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
