dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He kissed a someone with a penis
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
