I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
