Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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