my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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