how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wish you could order shots online.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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