You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
