remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
