just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
