Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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