remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
