i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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