Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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