Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
