I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
