so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
