You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That accounts for only three of the penises
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
