I'm lost and stupid without you.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I need moral support for this bender
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
