Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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