you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
