The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
