Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Someone signed my nipple.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
