come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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