just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
