wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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