She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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