toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
