so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
