Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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