i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
