I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
