I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
