Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I met the friendliest cop last night
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
