Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
