he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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