Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Let's get the cat blown out
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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