Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
MIDGETS
????
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
