What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
