he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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