whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
