I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
